There is something satisfying about pulling up a weed, roots and all.
The evidence that it was there can be seen, but that weed can no longer grow, reaching out with its roots, choking the beauty of the plants around it.
Hebrews 12:15 says “See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God, and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.”
The author of Hebrews is giving us a warning that bitterness can grow and can cause trouble. Seth Meyers, Psy.D. published an article in Psychology Today where he defined bitterness as, “a subset of multiple feelings including sadness, anger, and disappointment.” So how exactly does bitterness grow?
It starts with an offense, either big or small, that invokes sadness, anger, and/or disappointment. That offense becomes like the planting of a seed. The seed can begin to grow when we water it with our thoughts. Thoughts of how angry we are from the offense. What we would say to our offender. How much he or she hurt us. Reliving the undesirable moment over and over again, allowing those feelings to rise to the surface repeatedly.
This is exactly what I did when a child I used to babysit was punished by his parents in a manner that I felt was unfit.
The child had been very disrespectful to me in a deeply upsetting manner. It was behavior I never would have accepted from my own children. I was sure to speak to the child’s mother when she came to pick him up that afternoon. The next day the mother told me about the discussion they had had about the incident and the punishment she and her husband had given the child. I was dumbfounded. In my opinion, the consequences they had chosen for the child were far inferior to what such an offense called for. This made me feel disrespected all over again.
The words I wish I could have said flowed freely through my mind. I began mentally tallying all the actions these parents had taken that I did not agree with. I repeatedly criticized them both to myself and to others. Dread began to wash over me on the days the child would be at my house. Grace and patience for him steadily disappeared from the time we spent together.
I didn’t realize at the time how my thoughts were feeding the weed of bitterness in my heart.
The deeper the weed grew, the more prickly my attitude became. My relationship with this family became strained and eventually came to an end.
In a sermon about bitterness, Pastor Chris Beall of Life.Church provided steps to digging out the roots of bitterness.
First, expose them. He said, “you cannot heal from that which you are unwilling to admit.” I had to be willing to do an honest assessment of my heart to find this root (and others) that had taken hold. Second, cancel the debt of the person who angered, saddened, and/or disappointed you, “until the wound is a fact and no longer an emotion.”
He pointed to the parable of Jesus found in Mathew 18 about the servant who owed his master a large debt. The master agreed to cancel the debt and let the servant go free without any repayment. The servant then went and found a fellow servant who owed him a small debt, and had that servant thrown in prison until he could repay his debt. Jesus is the master who paid my debt in full on the cross, with no repayment required. I was the servant who then refused to forgive a mother for a wrong I felt had been committed against me. To get rid of this root of bitterness I had to acknowledge and forgive the offense.
These steps can be difficult and take time.
With God’s help I have been able to identify multiple roots of bitterness in the soil of my heart. Some have been pulled out completely. Others I am still working on.
Would you be willing to take a careful look at the garden of your heart? Would you ask God to show you any roots of bitterness? He is a faithful and loving Father, always willing to help us if we will allow Him.
