My daughter Samantha is in eighth grade. She is just weeks away from being finished with middle school and launching into high school. I feel the weight of this change over and over again as we reach more milestones that point to the end of the school year. Then suddenly high school! So much happens in high school. Childish freshmen turn into seniors who are prepared (hopefully) to step into adulthood. Four short years is all that remains of our habits and routines as a family. My husband and I are painfully aware that the countdown is on, and we want to make the most of it.
There are six steps that I believe will help us walk through this change.
My hope is as you consider the coming changes in your life—retirement, first child going to kindergarten, the passing of an elderly family member, starting a new job, or getting married—you can use these steps to help guide you.
1. Accept that the change is coming.
Depending on the change you are facing, this step can be the easiest or the hardest. If you are counting down the days until your magical moment arrives, acknowledging that this change is coming is a joy. However, if you are dreading the change, especially if it means the death of a person, relationship, or season of life, this can be a hard starting point. Living in denial may help you get through today, but it will make the arrival of the inevitable much harder. Accepting that a shift is coming will help you move forward.
My daughter will finish 8th grade and start high school in the fall. I can’t stop it, so I choose to embrace it.
2. Consider what this change means for you.
How will this one specific event change your life? Like a rock thrown into a pond, one event ripples outward in life and affects everything around it. Take time to consider these “ripples”. How will your daily routine change? The way you spend your time? What traditions will be affected? Will this change affect your finances? How will this impact the people around you? Some of the impacts of this transition can be small but others can be rather large.
When Samantha starts high school, she will be on a different schedule than she is now. Our morning routine will need to change as we will have to leave the house earlier each day. The drop off/pick up routine for our family will be different because we will have children in two different buildings. Homework and studying will increase. Social circles, interests, and time demands will all shift. She will be allowed to stay up later at night but also have to be more independent with getting ready for school in the morning. She will have the opportunities for more freedom but also greater responsibilities.
3. Weigh the impact.
As new events unfold, they are always multifaceted. Yes, there will be a difference in routine, but there will also be a heart-level impact. What emotions are likely to rise up during this transition? Sadness due to the loss of a loved one? Grief as a result of coming to the end of something? A struggle to find a new purpose after leaving behind the role that has defined you for the last two decades or more? Excitement over a new beginning?
These next four years of increasing independence mean that Samantha will be on her own more and hanging out with me less. She won’t need me in the same way she did last year or even this year. Extra curricular activities, a job, and the potential for a first romantic relationship translates into fewer meals eaten at home together. It won’t be long before she is driving herself to and from school and other places. This means that our daily time in the car together will be lost. All of these changes fill my heart with sadness. At the same time, I am excited to watch her grow and mature. I am filled with anticipation (and a little anxiety) at seeing how she handles the new freedoms granted to her and how she will choose to spend her time.
4. Plan ahead.
After considering what this coming change will mean for your life both practically and emotionally, it is time to make a plan. What are you going to do about it? How are you going to capture the moment(s)? How will you do your best to make sure things are in place to make this transition go as smoothly as possible? Do you need to start saving money now? Will you have enough vacation time reserved? How can you commemorate the change? Will you need to allow yourself time to get away to grieve or to celebrate?
In preparation for starting “the final four,” our family has come up with a Bucket List of adventures we want to experience together: visit Washington D.C. (especially the zoo), go to an Ohio State Football game at the Shoe, ride a train to a destination, explore a retired Naval vessel, and visit Haiti are a few things on our list. We want to make memories, share moments, and be intentional with our time. We are already saving for the trip to Washington and plotting Adam’s vacation time. As Adam and I choose how to use the various resources God has given us, making the most of family time is a priority.
5. Just do it!
A plan is only worth something if you put it into motion. You can go through all of the steps: accept the coming change, consider what it means, weigh the impact, and make a plan, but unless you actually go the distance of executing your plan, you will be no more prepared for the inevitable change than when you first saw it coming. There will always be lots of excuses and obstacles that will try to get in the way. You have to choose to just do it anyway. Plan the trip. Make the reservations. Choose the time to go and visit your loved one and write down their memories or special recipes. Take the broad plan and pinpoint the when and where.
For this summer, our family has four camping trips planned and the sites are bought and paid for. We also hope to do some spontaneous trips as well. We bought a pop-up camper over the winter and spent this past weekend cleaning it and loading it with the supplies. All the preparations have been made! We choose to sit together around a table to eat dinner as often as possible. We have chosen a date for our Washington D.C. trip, and I am currently looking at places to stay.
6. Give it to God.
Even after taking all of these steps, we have to acknowledge that we cannot control everything. The plans can be made, flights booked, reservations set and something can still go wrong. God alone knows what is coming and how it will all play out. The truth is this is not the last step but the first, and part of every step in between. Trust in Him to guide your steps. Ask Him for wisdom and understanding to see and know how all this will affect you. Allow Him to guide you through the planning process. Be confident in the knowledge that He is already there and knows your heart. God will walk you through the struggles and the joy if you will let Him.
