Parenting is hard. If you are a parent, I don’t have to tell you that; you are already well acquainted with this truth. Being a parent is full of love, joyful moments, laughs, and happy memories. It also comes with great responsibility. God has entrusted us with one (or more) of His precious children to teach, train, and empower to do what is right and honorable before Him. It is a big task, and one that Adam (my husband) and I do not take lightly.
Because of the hard work we put into disciplining our kids in the early years, we feel no that our children are in the pre teen/young teen phase we are doing a lot more guiding and teaching than strictly discipline. For me, this is a much more pleasant task. I enjoy deep and thoughtful conversation. Every opportunity I find to take a deep dive on a subject with my children I do. I can say with certainty that one of our kids enjoys this much more than the other one.
Even though Adam and I are enjoying the fruits of our labor from years past, our job as disciplinarians is far from finished.
Since both of our kids know and understand more now, more is expected of them. The undeniable truth is this pattern does not stop. Well after our children have moved out of our house, they will continue to grow in knowledge and understanding. Poor choices will have even greater consequences. The more we can teach them now, the more heartache and struggle we can potentially save them from in the future.
Unfortunately, the older they get the harder the teaching process becomes for all of us.
This was the case during a recent incident in our home. There was something we had been seeing in one of our children that concerned us. A pattern was emerging. We didn’t have hard evidence of it right away but were highly suspicious that this choice was happening repeatedly. Sadly, this was a behavior we had been firm about with the kids since they were little. We established conducts that, in our house, were not allowed. Choosing to do one of these things meant an automatic strong consequence. We wanted them to have a clear understanding that these practices were absolutely unacceptable. We also made it clear that these were not just principles that Adam and I picked out to harp on, but commands from Scripture–attitudes and actions that God made clear through his Word were unacceptable to him.
The day came when the bad choice we suspected was being made by our child was confirmed with solid, irrefutable evidence. Adam and I confronted our guilty child with our discovery and the three of us spoke at length about this. After a period of stubborn silence, the tears and truth came pouring out. I was so relieved when the conversation and vulnerability allowed us to dig deeper and confront the core of the issue. Adam and I were both very pleased with how the discussion went. Even so, the consequences of the unacceptable behavior were still enforced. It was important that this lesson was taken to heart and could not be satisfied with tears and a flourish of words.
The tears continued after our talk and throughout the next two days.
For this child, the consequence of isolation was deeply painful. It was seen in facial expressions and heard in the sound of pleas for relief. One time, after visiting the room this child was remanded to, I was nearly in tears myself after seeing the agony they were in. I don’t like to see my children in pain or suffering. What good parent does? I took no pleasure in what my child was going through, but I chose not to change it because the lesson we were trying to teach was too important. If the pain of the consequence had been removed or even decreased by us, the lesson would lose its power.
As my husband and I discussed the struggle of seeing one of our children in pain, I realized God has done the same with me. When I have habitual sin in my life that needs to be rooted out, God is not afraid to allow pain and discomfort as a way of teaching me a lesson. He is my loving Father who wants what is best for me and knows, like any parent, that some lessons are best learned with tough consequences.
We see this clearly in the life of King Nebuchadnezzar in Daniel chapter 4.
Nebuchadnezzar had been warned about his pride repeatedly. He was told exactly what would happen if he did not change. The king did not follow the advice of Daniel and verse 31 says, “while these [prideful] words were still in his mouth”(NLT). The Lord rebuked him aloud from heaven and then drove him out of the city. The king became like an animal having to eat grass and growing his hair and nails long. Nebuchadnezzar continued to live like this until he turned to heaven and humbled himself before God. What a tough lesson for the king! But, it worked. Nebuchadnezzar was forever changed after that painful period of suffering.
Not all pain in life is intentioned by God.
Much of it is the result of sin in our lives or other people’s lives. However, I truly believe sometimes, out of great love for us, God chooses to use pain to teach His children. I don’t think He takes pleasure in it. It likely hurts Him the same way it hurt me to watch my child suffer. But the lessons that need to be learned are more valuable than our temporary pain or discomfort. The next time I am going through a painful experience God does not seem inclined to take away, I am going to take time to search my heart and pray. Perhaps there is something that God is trying to teach me.
What a great connection this brings between our role as parents and the way God parents us. Well spoke! Thanks for you insights!
Thank you so much!