How can we take Intentional Steps to find Authentic Connection?

Knowing something is true and doing something about it are two different things.

Often knowing is the easy part. It is the doing where we struggle to find traction. It is an undeniable fact that we need community. We cannot live a healthy life locked in isolation. However, taking steps to find this community can feel anywhere from perplexing to overwhelming.

When my babies were still actually babies, I worked part-time for a hospital. I spent three days a week there and the rest of the week home with my two kids. It was a great balance at the time. It met our family’s financial needs, and it allowed me to use my degree. I had great co-workers and enjoyed my work. I had friends to chat with over lunch and join for Bunko game nights.

When my youngest was around eight months old, Adam started a new job that moved us to a different town. My commute to work grew longer. Childcare arrangements had to be adjusted. All of life shifted. As the kids grew, I wanted to be home with them more than I wanted to be at work. After reassessing our financial situation, we discovered my paycheck was now only covering the cost of gas and childcare! Quitting my job and staying home full-time was in the best interest of our family all the way around. 

There was no way to know just how much this decision would change my life.

Not only was I in a new town, with a new church, but the people who had previously surrounded me on a daily basis were also gone. With Adam working twenty-four-hour shifts at the fire department along with a part-time job, I spent a lot of time with only my children. It didn’t take long to figure out I was going to need more than a three-year-old and one-year-old to talk to. Depression quickly came knocking at my door. I needed community; people who understood what I was going through and could carry on a conversation.

The temptation was to sit home and wallow, allowing my depressed mood to turn into full on clinical depression. Young children thrive on routine, good naps, and consistent bedtimes. Adding anything to life risked disrupting any or all of the above. Plus, no one was knocking down my door looking to spend time with me. All of the people I was previously connected to were now out of reach. Finding connection was likely going to be inconvenient and would definitely require intentionality.

There are always lots of reasons not to connect with others.

We are busy; they are busy. We don’t know how to find people we will vibe with. It would be too much of a disruption to our well-crafted daily routines to find new connections. 

The truth is, more often than not, real friendships do not just fall into our laps. We have to take the first step to find our community. 

Adam and I chose to join a life group at our new church. I also started attending a Mother of Preschoolers (MOPs) group that met in the evenings at the church. Our family moved from an apartment to a house in a neighborhood full of young kids. Our next-door neighbors quickly became “driveway buddies,” as our kids shared toys and played together between the two houses. All of these connections were extremely life-giving for me! But none of them happened without intentionality. I had to take the first step to find connection.

Changes in the stages of life, employment, or location can set us up to be alone.

If we stick with the status quo of our circumstances, we run the risk of allowing the isolation to take us to an unhealthy emotional space. Finding a connection is going to take work, risk, and vulnerability. However, it will be well worth the effort.

Start a new hobby. Join a group at church. Volunteer for a nonprofit. Take up dance lessons. Participate in a book club. There are so many options and opportunities for each of us to get involved with something that will allow us to make connections. The key is being intentional in taking that new step. 

How can you carve out time to be intentional in this area of your life? What is one way you can choose to meet new people and start on the journey of connection?