How do we Choose to Love Again After Being Hurt by Someone Close to Us?

Opening our hearts to love others in the way Jesus loved us, holding nothing back, does not always turn out the way we hope.

Sometimes, we offer the best we have only to have our hearts handed back to us in pieces. Loving deeply can transform into hurting deeply. Our bodies tell us when something hurts, we should not do it again. Pain is a teacher to protect us from the dangers of life. So how do we reconcile the call to love with experiences of being hurt?

Everyone takes a turn at being the new kid on the block or the job, the school, the church, team, life stage, etc.

We often look to those who have already been through similar situations to help lead us through the unfamiliar. Sometimes this requires extending trust to others quickly. This is especially true when the learning curve is steep and the time to adjust is short. 

On one such occasion  when I was in a difficult situation and I felt like I was on the verge of drowning, a woman who had years of experience ahead of me reached out and offered me a flotation device. I gladly latched onto her assistance and looked to her for support and guidance as I learned first to float and then to swim in my new environment. She was full of knowledge and freely shared information to help me get started. She offered not only practical support but emotional support as well. I was thankful to have someone who wanted to hear about my struggles and setbacks. Sharing with her about my family and some of my personal history came easily. I came to depend on this friend as a mentor and confidant.

From the start, I believed the relationship was mutual. Over time I came to realize it was actually quite one-sided.

While I was being real and very honest with this friend, she was not doing the same with me. Because I had been very vulnerable with her, finding out she wasn’t being open with me, to the point of being deceitful, was deeply painful. As I started to take a step back from this relationship other new information came to light. I discovered much of what she had taught me about my new position was incorrect. While I don’t believe she was intentionally steering me in the wrong direction, I do believe her desire to be the one with the answers led to rushed judgments and an inaccurate perspective in some crucial areas. This person whom I had trusted showed themselves to no longer be trustworthy.

I was heartbroken. It would have been easy to close myself off completely to others, so I would not be hurt like this again. 

Betrayal hurts, no matter where it comes from.

But, there is no hurt God cannot heal. Scripture tells us He heals the brokenhearted, is close to us when we are hurting, and is our refuge and strength when things go wrong (Psalms 147:3, 34:18, 46:1-2). Matthew 11:28 says we can find rest in Jesus when we are weary and our hearts are heavy. 

Healing takes time.

God offers us wholeness when we turn to Him with our hurts, but He does not promise immediate relief. We have to have patience in the healing process. Often, the deeper the wound, the more time it takes to heal.

God may or may not ask us to walk in relationship again with the one who betrayed us. Either way, He does expect us to be willing to love again. We betray Jesus with our sinful choices on a regular basis, yet He never turns His back on us. He continues to choose to love even after being hurt. Therefore, we need to do the same. 

Is there a time when you were betrayed to the point of not wanting to open up your heart again? Do you believe God can heal your hurts? What would it take for you to be willing to love others again after such a wound?