How do we have Authentic Relationships while also Leading Others to Christ?

Differing styles of evangelism have been popular throughout the history of the Church.

While we still see individual preachers draw a crowd or teams of people hitting the streets hoping to find a stranger open to their message, these methods no longer take center stage. Now, evangelism through relationships is the approach emphasized by many.

Personally, I am a fan of this latest trend.

In my experience, sharing the truth of the Gospel in the context of a personal relationship with another person is both highly effective and transformative. But, what I have also found is evangelism through relationships is messy and difficult in many ways. I have, and continue to, wrestle with how this process of evangelism actually plays out. How do I have a sincere relationship with a non-believer with the hopes they will come to know Christ but without predicating our relationship solely on this hope?

I had the chance to listen to an interview with a pastor who works in secret, in a part of the world where professing faith in Christ all but guarantees imprisonment or death. Despite these challenges, he has witnessed the message of Jesus spreading rapidly. When asked what the Church in the west could do to reach more people he responded, “Evangelism and discipleship is not an event but a lifestyle.” He challenged believers to stop hanging out with themselves so much. “Look at your contact list. What is the percentage of unbeliever to believer on it? I promise you it’s 90% believer, 10% unbeliever.” He went on to say that Jesus hung out with sinners and so should we. 

This message hit me hard.

I could not say that even ten percent of the contacts in my phone were unbelievers. All of my relationships stemmed from church: small groups, serving opportunities, missions trips, Bible studies, etc. How could I stand before Jesus and tell him I was engaging with the lost on a heart level when I didn’t even speak to nonbelievers on a regular basis?

Since this time, I have been on a journey to expand my circles.

This has meant getting involved in activities and being open to opportunities where I could meet people who were not connected to the Church. Jesus was a relational man. He attended parties and shared meals with people who were known for their sinful behavior. When the Pharisees found Jesus with these sinners, Jesus was not preaching or laying out a path of salvation, he was just eating with them. 

While this idea of handing out with nonbelievers sounds simple enough, it can feel complicated at times. How do I know my motives are pure? How do I make sure I am valuing another person for who they are and not just their potential for conversion? Am I being authentic in my relationship with others if I am carrying an ulterior motive around with me?

The truth is, I cannot turn anyone’s heart toward Christ.

Only the Holy Spirit can do that. I am only a vessel. My command is to love others. I have to leave the rest to God. If I limit my reach by choosing to have deep relationships only with those who already know Christ, I am putting parameters on my calling that Jesus did not put into place. I need to make space to love everyone and real love means being willing to walk through the good and the bad in the context of a relationship. 

To be completely transparent, I am still early in this part of my journey. I have taken some steps to expand my borders, but I have a long way to go. The wrestling match within me about how to love authentically, without ulterior motives, yet maintain a desire for all to know Christ, is perpetually ongoing. I want to love others to the best of my ability and let God do the rest. 

How do you create opportunities to practice loving others, especially those outside of the Church?

Do you find it easy to be authentic in these relationships without the intent of conversion lurking in the background? How do you mitigate the call to love everyone alongside the call to go into all the world and make disciples?