Last week we had a “snow storm” where I live.
I use quotations because this Great Lakes girl will never get used to what central Indiana considers a snow storm. It was, however, the most snow we have gotten at one time in a few years, especially since moving back from Haiti. (Personally I would take a Caribbean winter over a northern US winter any day!)
My kids decided this would be the perfect time to go sledding. There was about six inches of snow on the ground already and it was still falling. The wind was helping to blow it every which way making the act of shoveling the driveway an exercise in futility. The road in front of our house had not yet been plowed, but we had seen several vehicles drive past without sliding all over the place so there was hope that we could make it to the sledding hill. Even though I had learned to drive in upstate New York, where lake effect snow always kept the winters interesting, I have been living in the mild winters of the Midwest for 20 years (minus our years in the gorgeous sunshine and low humidity) and my winter driving skills had atrophied. I was terrified to take the van onto roads that I knew were not good, at best.
My internal committee argued back and forth about what to do.
Do I risk driving in the blowing snow on likely questionable roads or do I disappoint my kids who were pleading to go on an adventure? I am a recovering approval junkie and my desire to make my kids happy won out. My hair was wet from having just showered after my workout, I didn’t actually own snow clothes, and I could be putting all of us at risk by driving in these conditions. I really had no desire to leave the house but off we went anyway.
At one point along the way, a road that we needed to turn on was blocked by vehicles that had stopped to try and help push another vehicle out from where it had gotten stuck in the snow. I thought this was my way out, an excuse to turn back. But the kids were devastated so I agreed to pause in the parking lot of a school where I had pulled in to turn around, to see what happened with the stuck car. Within a few minutes the good Samaritans had the vehicle moving again. Now the path was clear for me to drive the same route that trapped someone else. Yeah!
When we got to the park I was surprised to see that we were not the only ones who had braved the wind, snow, and road conditions to repeatedly hike up the same hill over and over again. The three of us took turns on the two sleds and actually had a great time. Eventually the kids tired out and we went back home without issue despite a lack of improvement in conditions.
I have spent time wondering, did I do the right thing?
We got there and back ok. We had a ton of fun while we were sledding. We made a good memory and I was able to say “yes” to something my kids really wanted. Does this make me a hero mom or a foolish mom?
I knew all of the things that could have gone wrong. I knew the risk we were taking in traveling the roads when the news anchors announced that everyone should stay home unless absolutely necessary. My children didn’t understand the risk. They didn’t know all that could have happened to us, to the van.
Yet I wanted to make them happy. I wanted them to be pleased with me as their mother rather than face them moping around the house and the sour attitudes that were sure to linger for the afternoon. Was I really a hero or was I weak for putting us at risk to make my kids happy and avoid negative attitudes?
Discernment is an important part of not only being a wise adult but walking out the Christian faith as well.
I need to know if when something that feels risky is me wanting to please other people, or God challenging me to step into the uncertain and/or uncomfortable for the chance to bless others or be blessed myself. Discernment is something that the Holy Spirit gives us and it takes practice to know what is of us and what is of God. Even after building this spiritual muscle for a long time now I still don’t always get it right.
Sometimes when I choose the wrong path things will still work out. There might not be an obvious consequence. But there is always the chance that following my own path causes me to miss out on what God really has for me. God’s way is always best, even when we can’t see the whole picture or understand why He tells us yes to some things and no to others.
Every day we need to be Spirit led and do our best to do things God’s way. While I have practiced listing for the Holy Spirit’s guiding, and will continue to practice, I know I won’t always get it right. Sometimes even after it is all said and done, I won’t be sure if I was really following God’s voice or my own.
